The Cookies Are Just a Metaphor

When I find myself in a pickle here, I try to handle it with grace, elegance and poise which are all different words that have the same meaning. Here's the thing, though. If the pickle is one those giant ones you'd find at a concession stand at sports games that the teenagers fish out with their bare hands, I handle el problema like a champ. However, if it's a mini gherkin situation, my panties get waded really tightly really quickly.

I was talking to Margaret (read previous post) the other day, and she said, "Sorry about the delayed response. I made some muffins. I think it went well." I was proud of her because baking muffins is an example of something that I find ludicrous, but I was also a bit jealous and resentful. I can't just wake up, decide I want muffins and make them. *Baked goods, as we know them in the States, don't exist here...I know...it's really hard for me.

Ask for chocolate cake, and you'll get an extremely dry dirt triangle. Cupcakes and muffins are similarly disappointing. Cookies don't exist here. They call these hard, blechy things galletas, but they're imposters. They ARE NOT galletas!

Correct me if you've heard something, but I don't think I'm up for any American patriot awards. Therefore, when I crave something from home, I try to scratch the itch because it doesn't happen that often, and today, I just wanted a damn chocolate chip cookie. I felt almost warm and fuzzy before the dread set in.

Because I can't just go buy one, I googled a recipe (yes, I know you have yours memorized).

1 cup butter, softened- I'll figure out how to do that not in a microwave. NBD.
1 cup white sugar- Our sugar is mixed with coffee grounds. That actually sounds more appealing.
1 cup brown sugar- Aaaannnnnd, here we go. It may as well say moon rocks.
2 eggs- They're unrefrigerated here which is a little off-putting, but everyone seems fine.   
2 teaspoons vanilla extract- Liquid gold and as difficult to find as Robin Thicke's appeal.
3 cups all-purpose flour- I have some because I made play dough with some students 3 months ago!
1 teaspoon baking soda- Would not happen if I searched for a thousand years.
2 teaspoons hot water- Is this real? Okay.
1/2 teaspoon salt- No, I will never measure salt.
2 cups semisweet chocolate chips- I was hoping these weren't an ingredient because I know I can't get them.
1 cup chopped walnuts- Duh and also, adults who don't like nuts are not adults.

I went to the store, something I don't like to do, and came back with individual packets of brown sugar for coffee, eggs, vanilla FLAVOR that cost 4 Euros, no baking soda because obviously and a chocolate bar with walnuts in it. Also, I found a woman's wallet there. I think they thought I stole it because everybody steals everybody's wallet here, so I just yelled, "No es mio!" and threw it at the cashier.

I converted the measurements using the only measurement tool I have which is a plastic cup I got at an outdoor house music party in the daytime called Piknik Electronik, so I knew it was **accurate.

While I was in the midst of opening 24 single serving brown sugars and worrying about what impact that would have on the environment, I stopped, slowly walked to the refrigerator and confirmed what I already knew. I was out of milk.

Mini gherkin situation.




*Bread is not included. The bread here is awesome.

**I thought it looked like too much. I went back and checked the recipe. It was for 4 dozen.