We would then go further back to 1920, collect Prince Randian, fit him for a decent black suit and introduce him to his new best friend, Samuel L. Jackson.
That's all I would change about history. Everything else seems fine.
Jackson would carry Randian around set like a clutch until it was time to pop some caps in some motherfuckers' asses.
They would be best friends, and the only reason I know this is that I've seen Prince Randian (The Caterpillar Man, The Living Torso, The Snake Man) roll and light a cigarette with only his lips. It was truly inspiring, and the only other person who could probably do it is Mr. S. L. Jackson.
Randian was maybe brought to the U.S. from Guyana by P.T. Barnum in 1889. I don't know why he was there because he was purportedly an Indian man who spoke Hindi, French, English and German fluently like the royale with cheese he was (he was absolutely for real not a prince).
I have ten working fingers, not to mention hands and arms, and I become absolutely outraged when Duolingo reminds me to use the free app to practice a language I want to learn more than anything else in the world.
He was married to a woman BEFORE he was a famous performer, and they had five children. I don't know much about Princess Sarah, but to hitch your wagon to a horse without legs, especially at that time, seems like a very short trip.
My boyfriend in high school cut the tip of his pinky finger off, and I was like, "EW."
But by all of the one account I read, she genuinely loved him, and they had a happy marriage.
He supported his large family by slinking around stage in a tube sock, writing letters, smoking and shaving. They only thing I've done on that list all summer is wear a single sock.
He, like many of his special contemporaries, acted in the greatest film of all time 💯Freaks💯, and he was amazing.
A showman to the end, Prince Randian, by then a grandfather, died of a heart attack at home just a few hours after a performance.
Prince Randian (real name unknown) was born without limbs due to tetra-amelia syndrome,
but that didn't stop him from being a badass motherfucker.
Sources:
Drimmler, Frederick. Very Special People: The Struggles, Loves, and Triumphs of Human Oddities. New York: Amjon Publishers, Inc., 1973, print.
https://allthatsinteresting.com/prince-randian
