She meant for it to sting, and it did.
As female baby children, we were taught that only two things were to be certain in our lives: we would bleed from our NO! places one day, and according to my school nurse, everyone around us would be able to smell it, and we would get married.
We could be whatever we wanted to be, were just as good as men and should never be afraid to march to the beat of our own tambourines cause that's what girls play, but god dammit, we would be wives.
Four years after me, my maid of honor was born to my great relief. That was one thing I wouldn't have to stress out about after someone would completely surprise me by asking me to marry him because we never would have discussed it like rational people beforehand, and I would have to decide in 2-3 seconds whether to say "yes" or "of course I will".
It was especially helpful at sleepovers when we would sit in a circle and explain who would be in our wedding party when we married our fourth grade boyfriends whom we had never actually spoken to.
"I'd choose all seven of you to be my maids of honors or however you say it," most of my friends would say except for the brave bitches who would actually be honest and choose one person in the room because she was her best friend, and the rest of us could be bridesmaids. We'd all make a mental note to make her be guest book attendant.
I don't know if I'll ever know if my friends felt as uncomfortable during this conversation as I did.
What about our sisters and our cousins and all the friends we will make at college and work!? I like my brother, too! Didn't they know that our lives would and should change a lot between the ages of 11 and 25, the oldest age you can be to get married? What if we're all gay? This is a softball sleepover.
I had an out because I always said my sister would be mine. They couldn't judge me for that, and besides, I swore to them that they would be my bridesmaids even though I knew it was a lie, and breaking promises never scared me.
I really resent it when people say that all girls dream of their wedding day because I really don't think that's true. Certainly some do, but I'm prepared to say that a lot of them don't give a shit. Both are okay.
As I got older, I started to pay attention to weddings. I liked to dance and eat cake. Those were solids, but other things bothered me...like the whole fucking rest. Here's a small sample:
1. showers- why are only women supposed to care about weddings? Why aren't men invited? Why are we obligated to buy them gifts for a personal choice they're making that has nothing to do with me, Carrie?
2. bachelor/bachelorette parties- give me a break and last night of freedom my easily offended ass. Am I the only person who's not okay with my partner paying (or exploiting) other women to see their tits and get a blow job? I mean, we can't afford that! Plus, get off the sidewalk you stilettoed, drunken vomit fountains. I live here.
3. Today, the bride wears white to symbolize virginity. I have never met a virgin bride in my life, and I hope I never do because that is ridiculous and unattainable unless you are a child bride or were raised in a cult that miraculously didn't exploit women (both bad).
4. A father walks his completely dependant daughter down the aisle to GIVE HER to the groom who assumes the burden.
5. To be presented as "man and wife" and Mr. and Mrs. Joseph Jerkoff is offensive. You can argue with me until we defriend each other, but this always has been and always will be completely sad and wrong.
6. Spending more money on your wedding doesn't make your marriage any better...or worse than anyone else's, and people who make weddings into competitions suck a lot.
Hey, I'm really sorry for just trashing your wedding, but I'm guilty of some of these abominations, too.
I really don't care what people do at their own wedding so long as it makes them happy, and it's not #5 from above, and they have traditional white wedding cake with loads of buttercream frosting that will make our poop turn a fun color that for a split second makes us think we're dying.
All I ask is that you think about the meanings behind these traditions we have as mostly privileged, mostly white, mostly Christian raised Westerners and change the meanings...then feel free to partake in some or all of them but with your new secret, independent motives that would just shock the hell out of your guests if they only knew.
Because I am so damn excited to stand next to my remarkable sister on a day that will make her unbelievably happy in a dress that looks pretty bad on me after I've done every single thing she asks me to and not to do. I will be terrible at it, but it is my birthright, and I'll be damned if anyone thinks they can take that away from me.
Right after anyone tells me that they are doing something
ridiculous because "it's traditional."
