I Owe Everyone an Apology

Guys, I am not a witch, but I did conjure up this quarantine.

And I do apologize for it.

If you had told me a month ago that I could stay in my home every day with everyone's blessing still collecting a paycheck whilst our mother, Earth, repaired herself for a long but indeterminate amount of time, I would have pricked my finger with a golden thorn, climbed to the top of the world's tallest volcano, mixed my blood with the spit of a mountain goat by the light of the Waxing Gibbous Moon and dropped a lock of my hair into its mouth (the volcano's, not the goat's) sealing the deal BEFORE you had gotten to the part where a bunch of people die from a virus.

I would not have done all that if I'd been told that last part first.

I have nothing of value to add to the conversation about what's going on other than to be real about the fact that my greatest wish, to get paid for staying home, is not something I deserve.

I will, of course, be working during the quarantine. Children still need me to spend a lot of time on thoughtfully differentiated but manically fun lessons that they will complain about and not do, but for as much time as I'll be spending on that, I'll be spending at least three times that amount doing complete and utter bullshit that has no direction, purpose or conclusion.

Yesterday, I was cooking when I noticed that part of the counter top was peeling away, so I went to get some super glue. I shook the super glue as directed, got bored while shaking it, set it on the counter and walked away to pluck my eyebrows.

That is just one moment of a day that followed the pattern of all my other days if you believe that randomness is a pattern.

If you took a time-lapse video of our home today, you would see Jaime seated at the table working for a solid 10 hours. It's 8:15 pm, and he's still there. A lay person watching would have assumed I wasn't home at all because any trace of me would look like a streak of orange on top of a streak of white on top of a streak of black. I have been going in and out of every room for a split second for no reason all day.

And I loved it, and it was wonderful. Except that my house is still a mess, the clothes are still in the dryer, and Jaime finally just microwaved two squares of processed cheese substitute over 5 meatless hot dogs because he realized I wasn't making dinner.

I also did not do any school work.

Anyway, I'm sorry for willing this to happen. I take it back, and I just want everyone to be safe and healthy while realizing we need to take better care of one another and our planet.

I did fix this part of the counter, though.